Dealing With an Overly Talkative Co-worker - The Muse

Dealing With an Overly Talkative Co-worker - The MuseDealing With an Overly Talkative Co-workerIm all for chatting with your colleagues. It builds rapport, which in turn builds your relationship and can make you a better collaborator (and more comfortable asking for professional advice). It can make your office a warmer, friendlier place to work, and it might even save your job. Those who can make conversation with a wall often excel in networking situations and connecting with intimidating clients.But to be honest, they can also annoy the heck out of their co-workers. So, what are you to do when you have a colleague who just loves to dive right into a daily gabfest rather than inquiring if its a good time? (Spoiler alert Its leid.) Read on for three things you can say to an overly chatty co-worker who just cant landseem to catch a hint.1. I knowIgnore her and shell go away, is terrible advice. So is, look busy.I understand the thinking behind it Youre afraid if you engage, youll enc ourage your colleague to linger. Sure, if you ask tons of questions and beg your co-worker to elaborate, shell hang around and continue the conversation. But if she regularly stops by your desk to chat, odds are shes trying to connect with you. And dismissing her will make her think she needs to try harder (read stop back again after lunch). So, if you have a minute, stop what youre doing, focus on her, and make a relevant, declarative statement. Oh wow- I cant believe it took you 20 minutes to get through the line at Starbucks Then, when she stops by later, you can smile and say that you are really slammed and dont have any more time to chat today. (Busy when she stops by the first time? Reverse your reactions.) By occasionally listening to this colleague, youll show youre interested in connecting- but can also pick and choose when youll make time to visit.2. Lets discuss this another time.Sometimes you have a few minutes for a gabfest, but instead of your co-worker discussing the usual (Monday Night Football, vacation plans- whatever it may be), she starts telling you about her date last night. Yes, companies have sexual harassment trainings about what should and shouldnt be a topic of discussion, but theres always a gray area- think you discussed Kim Kardashians Paper magazine cover yesterday but dont necessarily want to hear a play-by-play of date night. While you should communicate that this isnt office conversation, there are ways to do it without coming off like a chaperone saying, Thats not appropriate.If this is a colleague who is also your friend, you can correct her in an equally chatty way. Try this Jill, I totally want to hear this story- can we do it over cocktails instead of in earshot of the whole office? If youre not close with this person, acknowledge the gray area as you set boundaries, and then quickly change the subject. You know- I know we discussed celebrities and nudity the other day, but Id rather not talk about romantic lives in the o ffice. In other news, did you see Prince Georges Christmas photo? This way you can exchange a few pleasantries and move on.3. Im not very chatty.The two phrases above stem from the same general advice that the best way to handle a chatty colleague is to chat with him a bit, and then go about your work. (Because the payoff you get by being friendly and building strong relationships can be worth a few minutes out of your day.)But this advice doesnt always work. Sometimes, once the floodgates have opened, its impossible to close them. So what youre looking for is a kind, professional way to shut your co-worker down- to stop the conversation before it starts. In this case, take the escape hatch approach and say something along the lines of, You know- Im not very chatty. (Its the office version of the classic, Its not you its me.) If hes always talking about The Voice, tell him youre not big on TV. Or tell her you have trouble refocusing if you step outside of a work mindset, so youd pre fer not to socialize in the office. It wont win you any Miss Congeniality prizes, but it should get your colleague to stop bothering you.Still cant a catch a break? If your requests for less banter fall on deaf ears and your colleague is a constant distraction, its time to bring the matter to the attention of HR or your supervisor. If your co-worker is causing you this level of distress, odds are others find her to be a nuisance as well. Someone should talk to her about reining it in for the sake of her professional development. Part of being successful is building relationships, balancing your needs with the needs of others, and navigating different personalities and work styles. You have to deal with all of unterstellung issues when working with an extra chatty colleague. So visit on occasion, and draw boundaries the rest of the time.Photo of child courtesy of Shutterstock.